I just realized that I finally have the happy, ‘normal’ family I’ve been craving all of my life. I’ve just been letting way too many outside factors, and worries get in the way of truly enjoying the special moments each day has to offer; allowing these factors to prevent me from really feeling all of the love, support and blessings I have shining my way.
I’ve realized that I cant control ANY of these negative factors (or people!) that throw curve balls my way, but I CAN refuse to let them stand in the way of allowing MYSELF to feel loved. And to give LOVE 100 percent.
Yes, I have lived, and SURVIVED, horrific and sad things during my lifetime…. but, tragically, so has the majority of the world.
I am not alone.(Neither are YOU 😉 )
I will continue to struggle thru this thing we call life right alongside the rest of the world. We are all going to experience life and death. Its a fact. At some point during our lives, something tragic WILL happen. This is an unfortunate reality as well.
Everyone’s level of trauma can only be measured by the person experiencing it right at that moment. That quote: ‘we all have a story’ is an incredibly wise statement. At least, in my opinion 🙂
Every human being (excluding the hopefully thriving hidden tribes/species of the world) experiences the same world events. We all witnessed 9-11 and the after effects, we all experienced the earthquake in Nepal together, we all hear the headlines about murdered children, war, crashed planes e.t.c.
Add what we see in the worldwide headlines to what we are each experiencing individually it is no wonder that we often lose our sense of compassion and empathy for individuals outside of our social circles. Its also not surprising that many of us lose compassion and empathy for OURSELVES.
Losing self-respect and self-love could be the root of many of our internal struggles/personal problems. We need to forgive OURSELVES when we screw up and continue to love ourselves despite the fuck ups. One bad mistake does not make a bad person. We can either blame everyone else for our mistakes, or we can own up to them and work on learning from and not repeating our discretions. Life happens. It doesn’t give us permission to hate ourselves (or one another) for it.
There is so much HATE in the world without the need to hate ourselves people… I truly believe that the humans out there purposely killing and hurting other humans are the ones whose hearts hate themselves completely. Once you give up hope on yourself and are incapable of feeling any feeling other than hate, despair and anger…Once you start actively enjoying hurting others in any way… I think you’re pretty much a lost cause. There are lines human beings just instinctively know shouldn’t be crossed, yet, we (we being humans worldwide) continue to cross over them every.single.day.
‘We’ murder, torture ,rape, mutilate, abuse, hate and hurt one another and other living creatures daily. Its sickening.
‘We’ watch the headlines, gossip about others and their tragedies and think ‘Oh, how sad,’ ‘That’s awful, someone should do something,’ ‘If so-and-so did this or that things would/could have been different’ or even ‘Its not MY fault…’
‘We’ can allow all of those outside things into our lives, sit back and do nothing, let people trample all over us and let our hearts become bitter, OR ‘we’ can choose to help others when we can, say sorry when we’re wrong, stop hating our neighbors when we know nothing of their lives, choose kindness and compassion whenever and with whoever we can and just be…gentle. Inward and outward.
Only individually can we make a conscious choice to tackle our own personal demons. (we all have them, Even you Mr. Pope) Only individually can we keep ourselves from forming opinions and from hating/hurting/discounting/dismissing others.
Its time ‘We’ begin to focus on our own hearts/minds/souls.
Wake the fuck up people. We’re going to screw up. That’s a fact. No one is perfect. Sorry Kimye, Not even you. We’re all the damn same regardless of religion, race, nationality, income, political party, disability, ability or location on the fucking planet.
We ALL want to survive. It is only our ideas/methods of survival that causes a divide. Our choices and actions further separate us as life goes on. And it goes on. With or without you, me or any other living thing living in it.
The question is, how many of us are actually living? I can honestly say, up until very, very recently I sure wasn’t. I’ve spent the last 32 years of my life merely SURVIVING. I don’t know that I’ve ever actually LIVED at all during this time.
So that brings me back to the imperfect topic I began with. Me. My heart. My family. My LIFE at this moment. I’ve faced many heartaches and probably have much more around the corner. I struggle to put food on the table like every other average American. I have experienced loss and love, violence and many, many painful moments. I’ll probably never be able to go on a vacation or know what its like to own my own home or car… I think for most of ‘us’ this is the sad reality of life. Real world shit aside I’ve also experienced MANY blessings, felt true love and been shown genuine kindness and selflessness in the flesh.That, in my very humbled opinion, trumps any materialistic ‘thing’, ever.
There are people out there at this very second in active war/disaster zones. There are parents trying to find clean drinking water, people being tortured for war and terroristic purposes and sadly, even for joy. My personal tragedies will never, ever compare to what people are living thru RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND.
My heart bleeds for the human race…
I can NOT change the bigger picture, but I can change ME. I can actively try to heal from the past, forgive myself, forgive others and accept that I’m not a bad person. I’m worth something to the most important people in my life.(i.e., my children and husband), I matter to my circle, my ‘people’ if you will… I need to allow myself to matter more to ME. It’s almost like I’ve suddenly realized that I actually deserve to feel… whole.
A whole me can only lead to a happy me, and a happy me will absolutely be a better mother, wife… human. I deserve a happy, healed, whole heart. With this ‘healed, happy me’ I can potentially help the hearts of others some day. Even if I can help only one human being/creature during my life time, then my past and present heartaches and traumas will be worth it.
Hello enlightenment. I’ve been waiting for you. 🙂